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Making Friends – How Parents Can Help Their Kids With Friendship
Some kids have no problem. They start school and suddenly there is a gang of friends – best friends, birthday party invitations, play dates, sleep. For other children, the social aspect of school can be difficult. Sometimes this is because the child is diagnosed with Asperger’s Disorder, Autism, or Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder, and sometimes the child is just shy. As a therapist with many years of experience working in schools, I have seen how difficult a school day can be if children do not yet understand how to make and keep friends. I know there are simple steps you as a parent can take to help make friendships easier for your children.
1. Talk about it.
The first step is to talk to your child and make sure there is a problem. Some kids have more attitudes than others and they need more time alone. Not every child wants to be the class president or the most popular student. But every child needs to learn how to get along with friends, work in a team and have a satisfying social relationship. Try to discuss friendship with your child and set realistic goals, such as having a few occasional friends or someone to have lunch with.
2. Get to know other parents.
Other parents are your best resource. Friendly parents can help pave the way for your child by introducing him to gangsters, inviting her for a play date. On the other hand, parents may find it difficult to extend or accept invitations to children when they do not know their parents. Parents of young children will usually wait together at school when they leave. For even the most unfamiliar parent, this can be a low key, an easy place to meet people, and a great opportunity to allow free play after school. Try to show up a little early, smile and socialize, and give your child some free time with classmates. For older children, see if you can volunteer at school and meet other parents there.
3. Try to join a team
Find a team that your child can be a part of, whether it’s a scout, after-school drama or sports team. This new setting may allow your child’s special skills to shine in a way that they do not have in class. It is also a new opportunity for you to meet other parents. One bonus is that the whole group is often invited to a pizza party or camping trip. Of course, if the family is invited, you should try to join together, even if your own nature makes it difficult.
4. Work on social skills
This brings us to the next point, social skills. When your child is playing after school or at a pizza party, you have the perfect opportunity to watch her communicate. Is your child a stubborn or difficult boss in another way? Public places are not suitable for discussing the issues you see. Wait until you get home, then talk to your child, pulling at the friendships you have already set. If you see big problems with social skills, you may want to address these issues further in the social skills group.
5. Pay attention to appearance
Your child may not care about his appearance and you may admire his independence. Unfortunately, other children may not be open-minded. If friendships are affected, compliance to some degree may be a compromise you are willing to make. Take a look at the other kids at school. Does your child stand out from the crowd? You do not have to resort to fashion and buy the most fashionable and expensive clothes, but maybe a simple change from too short pants and bright oversized T-shirts will help your child become a gangster. Also pay attention to personal hygiene and habits. Behaviors that are okay in kindergarten can be socially dead in middle school.
6. Beware of being too different
Your child may be weird and know everything about comets, and you can tell how happy he is, but other kids may think he’s weird. Do not think that your child has to give up his special interests and talents. Instead, aim to supplement these sections with something universally accepted. Sit down as a family and watch a popular TV show or watch an interesting movie. The school is similar to your office, where everyone is discussing the Super Bowl or Presidential Primary. At school your child will have an easier time if she goes to a school festival or sees the last episode of Hannah Montana.
7. Jump down – Invite someone to come
For parents who book more, the idea of a child’s play date can be a bit daunting. But it is an important step because it promotes friendship outside the realm of just “schoolmates”. If your child does not have a previous play date, take a break. You do not need to organize activities or entertain children. Discuss in advance the activities your child might enjoy doing with friends, then try to walk away from the picture. As a backup, set up some simple projects in case things don’t go smoothly, such as easy craft projects or movies to watch on TV. You may want to set up a private sign to use with your child if you need to adjust your child’s behavior.
8. A special friend
Sometimes all it takes is a special friend. If your child can make only one friend, it will be easier throughout the school day. He will have a partner for the project and someone to have lunch with. The bully usually chooses a single target rather than a pair. For many children, one friend is enough.
9. Encourage more than one friend.
That said, a friend can be a problem. Depending on the situation, your child may demand too much from his lone friend. Look for signs that your best friend is feeling overwhelmed. It can take the form of your child complaining that a best friend has invited someone to bed or not having lunch together as usual. This should not mean the end of the friendship. It’s just a sign to your child that he or she should go out a bit and join some of the other kids.
10. If all else fails
If these simple steps do not help, do not despair! There are many more options. The teacher may be able to step in and help your child. Many teachers will deliberately set up desks and teams to help children who are socially shy. Find a social expert group by talking to the principal or searching online. Therapists and other mental health professionals can work on a case-by-case basis with you and your child.
Finally, progress takes time. Your child does not need to get there right away, and things can get easier as your child gets older. The group dynamics of all classes will be different. High schools can give children more choices so your child can find the group he or she deserves. Just keep trying and try new things.
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