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How To Help Yourself through The Holidays When Mourning
Grief is an inner response to the seemingly endless loss of sadness, grief, and pain. Mourning is all that and much more that is public and you share it with others. Mourning is healthy. Grief without mourning brings more pain and unnecessary suffering, which is often more pronounced. On holidays.
“First Year” First Christmas Hanukkah Thanksgiving Anniversary The first reunion without a loved one is always made worse when mourners do not assert themselves about what they are. Do’s and don’ts at a time. Of the first. Here are some considerations to facilitate respect for your loved ones and yourself at these crucial times.
1. Tell your family and / or friends what you can and cannot do. As a primary mourner, make your needs known to all stakeholders. If necessary, gather at your home well before the holidays and tell them how you want to celebrate the festival. Discuss what can be added or removed from a regular celebration.
If the event is usually held in your home, you may want to have a snack to get someone to celebrate it this year, or have someone else take on more responsibility to take the burden off your shoulders. It’s okay to say no, and as your sadness changes over time, you can take on the old burden or make additional changes.
2. You do not have to do it the way it always does. Traditions can change, even over many years. You can also start a new tradition. Whatever you feel will be the hardest part of the holiday for you can be changed, held at a different time or left for the year. Doing what you feel will reduce unnecessary stress and sorrow. What is left over in a year can always be taken back then. Let your faith guide you and use it for the strength it provides.
3. There is nothing wrong with reducing the amount of time you spend on events. Regardless of what others do in your family before each holiday or celebration, tell all stakeholders about your level of participation. Only you, as the parent can know for sure what your energy level is and what your resources are. Feel free to say that you will be the first to leave without attending one or more aspects of the walk-out celebration or attending the event later.
4. Be sure to symbolically pay homage to your loved one who has died. Make it a habit to acknowledge the memories of your loved ones at any important family event. Light a candle, make a noodle, show a picture or photo album of the deceased’s favorite dessert or food, say a prayer, show or give something he made, put a flower in a special place at the table or leave it. Empty space at the table (let everyone sit in a different place). And it’s okay if the tears flow. It’s normal, normal, normal.
Forget about perfection. A good or perfect holiday celebration is rare. Do not define yourself by expecting perfection. At the same time, refuse to let your expectations tell you that the whole scene will be a major source of grief. Manage your expectations diligently. Keep things simple and focus on the values, beliefs, joys and wisdom of your loved ones. Give a gift to your loved one and remember that laughter and smiles are still an important part of life.
Finally, here are nine statements to help you plan for holidays and celebrations. Advanced planning is essential. Fill in each opening. Write as much as you need to.
My Holiday Plan
1. I believe the hardest part of the upcoming holiday is: ___________________.
2. I believe the most difficult person for me to be with is: _____________________.
3. The most comforting idea about the upcoming holiday is: ______________________.
4. The people I believe will be most useful to me are: ________________________.
5. The words I really need to hear this holiday season are: ________________________.
6. I will celebrate my loved ones this holiday by: _________________.
7. I will tell my family / friends what I can and cannot do this holiday by: __________.
8. I will reschedule the festival by: __________________________.
9. To achieve my plan, the first thing I will do is: _______________________.
Share your plan if and when appropriate. With the help and cooperation of all of you, you and your family and friends can do it through special days and celebrate life lived.
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