Joyful Home Keeping Joyful Wives At Home Old Fashioned Housekeeping My Husband Never Lifts A Finger In My Marriage – And It Gets Old

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My Husband Never Lifts A Finger In My Marriage – And It Gets Old

I often hear from people who are tired of feeling like they are carrying their marriage entirely on their shoulders without the help of their partner. Usually, this gets old enough that you can start to see how much longer you can take it.

I heard one woman say: “I feel like I’m just carrying my own weight in my marriage. When my husband and I first met, he was romantic and he tried. He brought me flowers and he gave me lots of thought he would take me on our dates. If I did something nice for him, he would always notice and then he would come back. If I cooked dinner, he would wash the dishes. He would always pick up after himself and he was just an easy person to love and live with. Well, after about eight years he stopped all that. He basically just sits and waits for me to do all the work. Last week, he celebrated our anniversary. forgot and I didn’t even get that much card.. He leaves his dirty clothes all over the house.. He never helps me in our house and marriage, there is no love in him anymore. I want to go on a date, he will time I have to plan and do everything. He doesn’t lift a finger in our marriage anymore. There is absolutely no fort on his part. I feel like I am alone in my marriage. And it is a lonely place. it is If things don’t change, I don’t think I’ll stick around. What can I do?” I will try to address these concerns below.

Before I start offering insights and tips, I want you to know that I understand and validate your concerns. I know you’ve probably told people that the spark goes out after a few years of marriage and if you’re asking for at least some love or spark, you’re asking too much. I strongly disagree with this. When my marriage stalled and the anger started, I listened to everyone who told me I was overreacting and I backed off and hoped for the best. I was divorced and depressed until I was able to turn things around. That’s why I firmly believe that doing nothing and hoping for the best is the worst plan imaginable. I believe it is best to take immediate action, while not overreacting enough to make your partner defensive. I will discuss this further below.

Ask yourself if the little things that bother you are signs of a bigger problem: Your mother or some other wise person has probably already told you that fighting over leaving the toilet seat is nothing to do with the toilet. Yes, that is absolutely true. Often, after frustration and resentment have built up for a while, you’ll notice people finding small, subtle ways to express their displeasure. They may not even realize they are doing it. But you will often find that they put less effort into every area of ​​your marriage.

And often you’ll find yourself arguing about basic things like sharing chores or not making a romantic effort when those things aren’t the root of the problem at all. Often it’s about the loss of intimacy that manifests itself in those little domestic problems of your married life.

I bring this up because I want you to be aware that even if you have a compromise in your efforts and household chores, you always want to look after your relationship and your intimacy as well. Because if you have the daily problems that are common in many marriages, it is highly recommended that you make sure that this is all there is.

In fact, if you can get the intimacy back in your marriage and feel “in love” or “in the mood” again, little things like snacks won’t bother you as much. And, since you’re both satisfied, you’ll find that your partner really wants to improve because he wants to keep that balance constant.

It Always Helps to Make Him a Willing Participant Instead of Using Negative Feedback: I know it’s so tempting to point out that your husband is selfishly letting you take on all the responsibilities alone. Lazy or selfish words may escape your lips. But in fact, this strategy will make him defensive and it will make him feel rejected and things might get worse. He may retreat further.

So the better bet is to ask him to do better with positive reinforcement. You may happily ask him to help you with the meals. Feel free to praise him when he does this. Tell him when he helps, it makes you remember those early days when we did everything as partners. You can say something like: “I miss those early days of working together. I miss how close we were. We’ll do this often.”

At that time, if it is appropriate, you should offer him physical contact. This only reinforces the positive reinforcement that will make him want to improve. You can even leave a comment like “see what happens when you help me?” It won’t take much for him to connect the dots and realize that your help is entirely in his best interest.

Once you’re back together and clicking, you can playfully ask him to plan a night or weekend and make it happen. Again, you have to be a player. Because this is often the most effective money with men and it helps you both get more of what you want, which is a happier and more equal marriage.

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