Name For Free Thinking Young Woman Who Embraced New Fashions Got Rage? Of Course You Do, and It’s Wise!

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Got Rage? Of Course You Do, and It’s Wise!

Women have good reason to be angry, yet we are the last to acknowledge this vibrant inner source. Instead, we go about our lives and keep up a good front. We may have all the trappings – the good life, higher education, and material gain, but we still have an inherent dissatisfaction with our lives that won’t go away. We look good on the outside, hiding those moments of despair when we feel like everything is falling apart on us. We express confidence on the surface and feel fear or dread underneath. We know we feel chaotic and on edge, but we hide it, sometimes beautifully, from ourselves. This is done by wearing Disguises of Rage.

Wraps are our child’s armor of inner rage—the clothes we wear year after year to face the cold of life, even on a hot day. They are our ways of controlling a life of chronic fear and the symbolic patterns of the old stories of anger that require our attention. They have played an important role in our survival but they hinder our real existence in the world. We continue to dress up because we find these vague expressions of anger safer and more acceptable than the truth.

My research reveals six Disguises of Rage (TM) adopted by high-functioning women:

o Domineering- you are very critical and judgmental, control your world so that you are not controlled by it, and keep others at bay to avoid your fear of needing them.

o Defiant—you are always angry and use anger to avoid your need for love and approval, usually from those who offend you. You use anger to avoid facing the reality of the present.

o Passionate-never have a minute, fill your time with self-defeating transformations to avoid the unbearable feelings of emptiness, and avoid the fear of invasion and rest in your body.

o Possessiveness-you take complete care of others often sacrificing your truth and well-being to avoid knowing and receiving the care you secretly want and often deserve.

o Dependence—you deny your personal power to remain financially insecure and emotionally young for fear of losing support and connection with others.

o Depression – you rarely have the energy to do what is best for you, but still serve others well. You live a desperate life to get rid of the overwhelming feelings of sadness and disappointment.

These categories are not intended to simplify or categorize our complex lives. Rather they are attempts to expose our delusions of anger and invite us to reexamine what might normally be considered normal or justified behavior.

Transcendence keeps us from experiencing the pure nature of anger. When we do not allow this experience, we cannot cure it. Anger should not be understood as a useless emotion – empty of knowledge and wisdom. Rather, anger is a violent, fearful energy that resides deep within our body and mind. Anger is the daughter of our traumas, the spouse of our shame, the burden of our denied histories, the foreign language of our emotional pain, and the wisdom that helps us heal.

Of course, allowing yourself to feel the pure energies of anger does not mean that you are going to correct your expression of anger. Healing anger is a process of slowly appreciating—through experience and practice—that we are much more than what has happened to us in our lives. The Anger Festival (TM) and Generational Healing (TM) retreats offer experiences to overcome anger. Basically, we are experiencing a re-acquaintance with our basic goodness and our life’s purpose. This requires us to let go of familiar behaviors (our transitions), stay in the richness of our current lives, and commit to choices that support our well-being. We break our commitment to pain and stop acknowledging our fears. When we cultivate an open heart, we learn how to relax in the space between our worries, and we become less attached to our anger clothing and more aware of the wisdom behind it. For instance:

o Mastery is Perception – the ability to see clearly and hold many truths without judgment.

o The Wisdom of Discernment is Truth-telling – the ability to boldly speak the truth from the heart without offending or hurting others.

o The Wisdom of Confusion is Autonomous Free Will – the ability to trust our intuition without hesitation and to be generous without jealousy or urgency.

o Compassionate Wisdom is Harmony – the ability to serve in life with kindness without obligation or self-deception.

o The Art of Connection is Originality – the ability to express our unique strengths and purpose creatively and joyfully without apology.

o The art of depression is vast loneliness – the ability to be comfortable in our own skin and take shelter without shame.

Rage is a natural source of energy that has been misused. Leonard Cohen says it well: There is a crack in everything… that’s how the light gets in. When we embrace the breakdowns of our early experiences as opportunities for enlightenment or insight, we realize that it is not anger that we fear, but rather the intense clarity of our light. Our challenge is to transform the negative energies of anger into self-sustaining fuel for our lives and for future generations.

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