Old Fashion Coconut Custard Pie Made With Coconut Milk Recipe Fit of Despair – Apple Crumble With Whipped Coconut Cream

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Fit of Despair – Apple Crumble With Whipped Coconut Cream

Let’s say it’s Thanksgiving, and you’ve just been diagnosed with gluten and casein intolerance. Suddenly you are faced with a grain-free and dairy-free life. All the time. You and your best friend browse the aisles of the grocery store, planning your holiday feast: ham (read the label, check the ingredients…okay), roast potatoes, baby carrots, green beans. All is well, until your love interest wanders into the oven and starts fingering the dolls. He settles on an angel’s food, contemplates a chocolate torte, and finally, after much deliberation, settles on a deep apple pie. “Let’s get ice cream!” he shouts.

In your mind’s eye it’s sloshing around on the floor in a pool of melted French Vanilla, taking its edge. In fact, you grind your teeth and follow him through the milk trough (pretend you don’t listen to the Monkey Because you’ll NEVER SHOW ANYTHING), knock on the castle, drive home, open the ice cream, spit they do, put it in and damn it. drifts away and finally collapses in despair. Then you make this amazing apple, which is just for you because you became a person with Special Dietary Needs, and people with Special Dietary Needs can say no to sharing.

Fit of Despair Apple Crumble

quantities are approximate – just go by feel

2 apples, halved and sliced

2 tsp sugar (or sweetener of choice)

Cinnamon (as you like)

1 tsp ghee (or so)

Soft key:

2 tsp ghee (approx)

¼ cup brown sugar (or sweetener of choice)

¼ cup almond flour (ground almonds)

¼ cup or so chopped pecans or other nuts

1. Grease a pan with ghee. Toss the apple slices in the pan, sprinkle in the sugar/sweetener and cinnamon. Dot with 2 tsp.

2. Mix the other 2 tablespoons of flour with the brown sugar/sweetener. Mix with almond flour and walnuts. Pour over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes, then uncover and bake until lightly browned and apples are soft, about 30 minutes depending on your oven, weather, moon on Mars, etc.

3. Serve hot or cold. Top with coconut whipped cream. And let everyone else eat their store-bought pie. Grain-free foods.

Whipped coconut cream

1 can of coconut milk

Vanilla extract or vanilla bean

Sugar/sweetener

All right kids, I’ll give it to you straight – this is a labor of love. It’s messy and boring and annoying as hell, but it’s so worth it.

First, you need to let a can of coconut milk sit for a day or so so that the water separates. Sometimes you will get a fountain where this happened. Unfortunately, when you want to make coconut whipped cream, it will never happen. I have found that taking a brand with added water makes this easier.

After a day or so, keep it in the freezer. Look, this is annoying and requires advance preparation.

Remove from the refrigerator and open both ends of the pan. That’s right! Water bisque freezes differently than cream bisque. Use one lid to scoop out everything in one big block, then remove the liquid. If you have a can opener that cuts around the outside of the can, and therefore can’t use the lid to squeeze said block, do what I did and use a large knife to remove the liquid. The perfect oath will make the process seem faster.

Place the frozen custard in a food processor and process. Add a pod or more of vanilla extract, or crush and grind the vanilla bean paste. It contains some sugar/sweetener. Taste and adjust according to how sweet and vanilla-y you want it. (Note – extract is fine, but the inside of the bean will give you a beautiful brown all over PLUS the inherent richness that can only be obtained from using a real-life vanilla bean). Place in a freezer bag or other storage container and let sit in the refrigerator for another day or so.

It won’t be as whipped as, say, Cool Whip – but it will be BETTER.

What is ghee?

Sigh. Ghee, you milkmaids, is clarified butter. Basically you take butter (organic, unsalted) and heat it in a pan until the milk separates (30-60 minutes), burn it off and you’re left with butter that’s caramelized and delicious. You can buy ginger in many places, especially Indian markets, but I prefer to make my own because I’m a) a control freak and b) don’t go out very often. Use it wherever you use oil.

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