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The Magic of Malicious Compliance – Why People Engage in Self Sabotage
If there is such a thing as dark personal magic, then “evil alignment” is certainly one of its best and worst manifestations. Intended as equalizing and liberating, the bad match keeps the bad collector stuck in a contradictory cycle of self-defeating, self-depleting-that-should-be-transparent. In the regular world, the person who behaves badly tries to harm someone by doing exactly what the other person wants. In Marin’s NLP, what I also notice is that the person who is behaving badly is also seeking to heal everyone in their family—the family of origin. More on this part later in the article.
Bad alignment is a tactic that causes pain and friction. Wikipedia’s entry for bad compatibility explains it well:
Malpractice is the behavior of a person who intentionally causes harm by following administrative orders or following legal pressures, knowing that the execution of the orders will cause loss in a way that will result in damage to the business or reputation of the administrator, or loss. to an employee or subordinate. In fact, it is a form of sabotage used to harm the leadership or used by the leadership to harm the subordinates.
While labor unions seek to punish management, their union members “work for power.” It is a way of hitting without hitting. Wiki says:
Work-by-regulation is bad bargaining used as a form of industrial action, in which rules are deliberately followed to the letter in a deliberate attempt to reduce employee productivity.
As I understand it, covered military ranks are a good source for bad match stories. There is one on the sergeant who ordered the privates to take the lockers and clean the floor of a large, empty building. The captain returned after hours. The men stood in the supply shed, “waiting for orders,” because the only barrels they could find in the cave were plastic, not tin. After all, the sergeant also defined “tanner boxes”.
Here is an excerpt from a current blog. The author recounts his experience as an enlisted man in the Air Force, who one day deals with a particularly arrogant adult:
As Bernie and I approached his desk in earnest, he pushed his glasses up his nose, allowing him to give us the tiniest of sidelong glances. “Now boys,” he spoke so slowly and deliberately that even a Neanderthal could understand him. “I want this room to be painted all white.” To add insult to injury, he ordered me to repeat my order. “You want the room all white”, I repeated his order mechanically and especially on the word “all”. The captain didn’t hear my voice but Bernie did. He had his head down and was grinning from ear to ear.. Finally we settled on a solution, we were going to paint the room as we had ordered – ALL WHITE! When we hit upon this solution, we were inspired………Everything was painted “white”. The roof, walls, floors, window panes, desks, chairs and telephones were double. Nothing was saved. The electric switches, door handles and overhead lights were missing………….. The chief got his wish! (interpretation)
Evil conformity is a selective mechanism whereby the (apparently) righteous powerless can punish, and possibly correct, the brutal, unjust behavior of the (apparently) wicked and powerful. Children, including very young children, use technology to try to punish and control their families, especially their parents. A brief trip down anyone’s memory lane will reveal thousands of eerily fitting moments, some of which are actually described as out-of-touch behavior. Most of the moments of bad harmony of inspiration are simply archived in the child’s mind, ideas and plans are drawn up to be brought out later in a case of extreme parental injustice.
All evil conspiracy plans begin with the words, “I’ll show you!” Some simple examples:
Parents: “Go to your room, stay there! I don’t want to see you outside that room again, do you understand me!”
Kid (just thinking): “Okay. I’ll go to my room, and I’ll never come out, and I’ll pee on the floor, and I’ll never go to school, and I’ll starve and stink. really bad.” and then you’ll regret it!” …
Parents, in a moment of sadness: “I don’t want to hear another sound from you, not a sound! Do you understand me! Do you?” After many hours, at the dinner table, after the parent has forgotten about his grief, the child refuses to talk to anyone. The child’s plan is, “Okay. I won’t talk to you again, if you do… and then you’ll regret it!”
Of course, in the normal flow of family give-and-take, these ideals of harmonious revenge are short-lived; they leave their places and places in a hurry because of the child’s desire to reconnect with parents, family and life. Few children actually succeed in never leaving their rooms again, or never speaking again, etc. But it is the principle of what is important, and the hope that lies beneath the principle. The principle is that the world that parents create for their children should not be unfair, cruel and cruel. The child’s hope, a very important part of all of this, is that they can correct the abuse and incompetence of the parents by using “industrial action for children” – badly in line with what the parental authorities claim to want, and with what these the authorities want unfairly. on those in their hands.
For example: if you as a parent constantly bombard your child with the message “You are worthless and will never amount to anything”, then your child will be tempted to behave badly towards you – and punish you. -Growing up and not achieving anything, and then you will regret it. However, your child’s much deeper hope is that when you realize what you have done, you will not only be sorry and feel very, very, very bad, but you will actually change. When you, the parent, change, then things will be better for the child and everyone else in the family. Therefore, in the area of strong creativity, apart from the child’s consciousness (the area of beliefs and decisions), all that your child has to do to force you to make things better is to make sure that things really, really, really stay. bad-until-best, or until you change, whichever comes first. (See the “soap poisoning” sequence in the Gene Sheppard film, A Christmas Story, for a humorous and dramatic demonstration.)
The unconscious pattern, the level of identity, which shifts from this bad fit (“I’m going to punish you by being who you say I am”) to the “good fit” (“I’m going to save us all by making you better parents”) it’s a long breath. The identity of the young child in painful and abusive situations has no power except for two things: the child can control the severity and duration of the pain – nothing else. In families in desperate pain, children are forced to conclude that they can never be good enough, perfect enough, smart enough, etc., to not let their parents spoil them. This then requires the child to go to Plan B, which is acting on their bad/optimism: “Dear Mom and Dad, I can’t stop you from making it bad, but you can’t make me make it bad, and maybe make it .it’s worse, so I’m really responsible for this cruelty, not you. I can control my emotions and define who I am, not you. I’ll protect you and hide from you. you hurt me. I’m going to hurt me instead of you. And I’m never going to let that change until you have a chance to move on and make things right, because that’s how I love you.” A bad match thus turns into a delicious match.
In Marin’s NLP, we assume that all children love their parents, and that all parents love their children. This is not a change in life. What differs is how this love will be expressed. Some families are lucky enough to be able to show love as love. In other families, love will be shown as twisted, twisted and evil. Ruining our entire lives—by insisting on a reality in which we are unworthy, unlovable, or unsafe, in a desperate attempt to save our parents and fix our family story—is a very beautiful expression of true love. it’s ugly
Here we go back to “The Worst Belief in the World.” As you may remember from our previous article, the worst belief in the world is, “The most dangerous thing I can do is to think that I am not in danger.” Despite having been captivated by their brains for a long time, the security map at the level of creatures, everyone who has this “worst belief” behaves from both bad and good change. Saying bad is something like, “I’ll show you! If you’re going to be that scary, then I’m going to be scared for the rest of my life! And I hope you watch it while it’s happening! And then you’ll be sorry!” The sweet and cute version is, “Dear parents, if you can’t do anything better than being completely horrible to me, then in your honor I will be completely horrible to you, until you do better. I wish you could be you.” good parents, it is not good for you not to be good parents.”
Thus, in order to revive the “worst case scenario” we must update our old security map and avoid the temptation of our equally old patterns for terrible and (arrogantly, pointless) compliance. The good news is that these two have transitions and changes. In fact, we all seem to be wired to naturally set up these updates when we’re ready—when we want to allow new experiences.
Coming soon: “The best update for the worst faith”
© 2009 Carl Buchheit and NLP Marin
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