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A Sociologist’s Insights: 5 Tips for Healthy and Long-Lasting Relationships and Marriages
Statistically speaking, divorce rates are currently low. Compared to the 1950s (an era many people compare contemporary family life to because it was supposedly more idyllic), the current divorce rate of 40-50% seems pretty high. The collective feeling that relationships and marriages do not last as they used to is prevalent in the minds of many people. We often witness separation and divorce in our families, friends, work, etc. And we ask ourselves, “How can I make sure this doesn’t happen to me?”
Mee too five concrete tips How you can increase the life expectancy of your marriage and relationship:
1. Don’t take yourself too seriously!
Remember that you are committed to maintaining a relationship between you and your partner. Egoistic values often get in the way. Historically, the relationships and marriages we find ourselves in have come a long way. Stephanie Coontz researched the history of marriage and found that in the past, emotions were not the basis of marriage. Nowadays, people usually enter into relationships or marriages because of various feelings, such as love, intimacy, lust, trust, etc. Sometimes selfish motives get the upper hand in our relationships where we want to get our needs met, love and attention. know that someone cares about us. However, it may not always be about what you want. Rather, it should be about what is best for the bond between you and your partner. In fact, we see many relationships and marriages breaking up day by day because both partners are often dissatisfied or facing insurmountable challenges. We hope the same fate does not happen to us, and when people witness a breakup all the time, they often underestimate the possibility that it could happen to their relationship or marriage. If you communicate personal wants and needs while maintaining the bond between you and your partner, your relationship has a good chance of survival.
2. Let fathers be fathers!
Mothers still tend to exclude their husbands or partners from baby and child care tasks such as changing diapers, preparing formula, choosing clothes, etc. So many fathers face a very difficult challenge in today’s society. They are expected to not only bring home the dough, but also take an active role in their children’s lives. Research shows that many modern fathers are still not equally involved in child rearing. One could say that this is because they simply refuse to do so. However, the parents’ efforts to be active parents are often thwarted more or less unconsciously by the mother. Women often feel that they can take care of babies more effectively. That’s why they don’t let fathers do their part. However, it is more important for a child how involved both parents are, not so much who can wash them better.
3. The one who cannot be forgiven
Infidelity is as old as human relationships. Still, over the past 50 years we’ve seen an unprecedented social demand for partner loyalty. Sex-specific romantic marriage is the most institutionalized form of this expectation. Many couples break up because one spouse, not necessarily the husband, by the way, cheated and the better half knows it. Without an opportunity for rehabilitation, the friend is often condemned. However, sometimes it’s worth digging deeper into the motives, especially when the relationship is otherwise intact. Cheating can be a sign of frustration or feelings of worthlessness in your relationship or marriage. Avoiding this situation would be the same as avoiding Mac & Cheese based on a bad meal at a particular restaurant. Maybe the chef had a bad day, or her ingredients weren’t fresh. Here, we meet the ego again. Our feelings are hurt, our pride is diminished, and our belief in the validity of the relationship is undermined. But what about the partner we claim to love? Isn’t love forgiving and not accepting the other person’s mistakes? Or is this measure only valid for our comfort level in relationships to avoid guilt?
4. Be realistic about human nature: everyone has secrets.
Absolute honesty in a relationship will not last long. We all lie every day. To protect ourselves and those we love and care about. Humans are selfish beings by nature. As society, religion and culture teach us, love requires self-sacrifice. But is this really possible? Many people fail to balance the delicate relationship between selfishness and marital well-being. Experience tells us that people really do have secrets; things they don’t want to share with anyone else. However, there is also hope that couples are completely honest with each other. Otherwise, a true and real relationship is impossible. Let’s face it: the probability that someone will put everything on the table, whether it’s about the past or the present, is not 100%. The more we admit that our partners are keeping secrets they don’t want us to know, the sooner we realize that it’s too much to ask for complete honesty, the better our relationships will be. An old saying goes, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.” A complete secret is therefore hidden.
5. Communicate clear messages
Communicating clear and accurate messages is perhaps the most difficult. In relationships, we often develop an indirect communication style because when we say things directly, some things may hurt the partner. An example can help you understand the problem better. Spouse A comes home and Spouse B says: “I’ve had this headache all day.” Partner A can understand this message in different ways. Maybe Partner B is trying to ask for some attention, so Partner A gives them a massage, pops an aspirin, or runs a hot shower. Spouse B can also say, “Yeah, I had a bad day too.” It is not easy to do the right thing in this situation, especially if the friends do not know each other well. Say exactly what you want and hope for. If you want your partner to run the hot shower for you, ask him. It may be suggested that you join in the shower. If you have a headache and can’t get up to reach for some aspirin, ask your partner to get you some. The more clearly we communicate our messages, the easier it will be for our partners to respond to the situation in a way we appreciate.
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