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My Spouse Has Let Himself Go And It Changes The Way That I Feel About Him
I sometimes hear from people who, when they look at their partner, no longer see the same person they always loved. Many begin to believe that their spouse has “left them.” They feel that she no longer takes pride in her appearance or her health. And this affects the way they see him as a person, father and spouse.
A spouse might explain it this way: “When I married my husband, he was a wonderful man. In fact, every time I looked at him, he took my breath away. Of course, that was fifteen years ago and I I know there isn’t anyone alive today who can look like fifteen years ago. I know it’s impossible. But it would help if my husband would pay even a little attention to his appearance. Never. If I moaned about him If he didn’t, he wouldn’t even change his clothes or shower on the weekend. Sometimes I’m embarrassed to go out with him because he looks ugly. I don’t expect him to look like a male model, but I want it to fit and look good. When I tell him this, he gets upset and says I’m a high maintenance person who cares too much about looks and not enough about what’s on the inside. I don’t think that’s true. I don’t care much about my appearance, but I want to look like I’ve at least put in the least effort. Actually, the way my husband acts It makes me think less of him. This makes me think that he is a sweet and lazy person. And I’m not sure I want to marry someone like that. It looks bad on me. The other day, we were watching a movie and the main character was fat, flat and lazy. My husband laughed at the man and called him a ‘silly slob.’ But actually, my husband reminded me of this guy. And he clearly doesn’t see it. If I push it too hard or tell him how I really feel, I’m afraid it will hurt his feelings. I love him, but I don’t like the way he presents himself anymore.”
As you are obviously already well aware, this is a dangerous situation. I don’t think you need to beat yourself up too much to make your partner look your best, as long as you’re realistic about it. People age. No one looks the same as the day they got married. But part of wanting to be a good partner in a good marriage is taking care of yourself for everyone’s sake. And in terms of physical appearance I don’t mean absolutely. I mean in terms of physical and mental health as well. Health risks put your family at risk. And if you are not emotionally healthy, it means that you cannot work for your marriage and your family.
But, as you already suspect, this is a delicate situation. Because if you approach it the wrong way, your partner will hear it as a criticism and may not like you, which may make the problem worse. Before I get into suggestions about how to be gentle about this, I want to mention one possibility. Some very common symptoms of depression are not caring about your appearance anymore and allowing cleanliness to become a little sloppy. I’m certainly not a counselor, but if you see other behaviors that may indicate depression, it’s important to address it. Because a depressed person will have a very difficult time making meaningful change until the depression is resolved.
However, if you don’t think depression is at play, then I believe the best way to handle this is to try to incorporate it into your regimen. I mean here. I had a friend who was very annoyed by her husband’s long and obnoxious nails. She asked him to do something about them, but he told her he was being judgmental, and the argument broke out. So, she gave up, but the next time she went to get a manicure and pedicure, she pulled her husband over, told him it was going to be a date, followed by dinner and some alone time. The man couldn’t get dressed fast enough and the fun ended when he saw other men there. Now, my friend’s husband no longer has the problem of his bad toenail and is close to his husband. They enjoy this time together.
So take him to your hall. Buy him clothes. Take him to your room. Now, of course, you will have to sell all these things to him. You need to do this in a playful and playful way, so that he thinks that you are trying to spend time with him instead of trying to change him. And you’ll often need to make it a fun, romantic experience you’re sharing to get him to willingly participate. But, you don’t need to do this for too long. Because when he sees how happy you are with these changes and when you give him positive reinforcement, he will see that these changes were not too much to ask of him and that they are worth it – because he is asked to it pays very little. , but it returns so much in return.
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